My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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