I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
