Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
