WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
