Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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