that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
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