if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My vagina is officially offended.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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