God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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