if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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