Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He has the fingertips of a God
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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