I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
