Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
