All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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