I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
