Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
