I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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