We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
