If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
