1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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