friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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