I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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