i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
