I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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