I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
