so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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