We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
