yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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