Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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