idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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