Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
