dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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