no, he came in my armpit
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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