Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
