Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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