Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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