My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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