let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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