I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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