I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize