He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize