She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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