I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize