Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize