i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
