worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
