either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
