playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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