the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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