speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
