We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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