I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
