she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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