So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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