We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize