i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
