Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
