A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
