i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
