yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize