He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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