THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
birth control should be required to get into college
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
