on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
