his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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