Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize