I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
