I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
