The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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