things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My pussy is not your playground.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
