so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
