The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
